On this day in 2010...
So, I saw this thing on Facebook today that said "On this day in 2010". It showed the status I posted that day... August 12, 2010 @ 9:04pm. Dr. Bedi in the NICU at Clear Lake had sat me down earlier that day and told me that Analeigh was going to need a tracheostomy. The alternative? Possibly death from respiratory failure. He answered all my questions, the nurses handed me some literature and I somehow managed to hold it together... until I got to my car. Then, I lost it.
I left that hospital feeling completely discouraged... and cheated. We weren't going to get those belly laughs or baby babbles that I had so been longing to hear. In fact, up to that point, we'd never even seen her smile. She was so hungry for air and fighting so hard that she just couldn't. I knew it was the right thing to do for her, but that still didn't make it feel any less like the end of the world. I cried the whole way home and more still while I was choking out the words to my Michael and my parents.
It was the biggest thing in our lives at that time. I worried about having to learn how to change the trach, clean it, suction it, etc. I was so overwhelmed. Looking back now, well... that was the easy part. I didn't think then that it could be any worse... and then it was. I'm grateful that we did at least get a few months of her smiles... and the baby babbles we were told we wouldn't get, well... we got those too. No laughs but those smiles made it not matter.
Oh how I wish we could go back! I wouldn't care if we had that version of Analeigh for the rest of her life because now I know.. it does get worse! I thought then that it was a matter of counting down a year, maybe two and then she'd be just like a normal child with stronger lungs. I never imagined a parent's worst nightmare could ever become reality for us. Well, now I know. I wish all the time that I hadn't taken those few precious months for granted like I know I did.
Below is my status update for that day and the comments everyone left me. The tracheostomy was actually done on the 18th.. 6 days after this post.
"Spoke to the dr today. Analeigh was seen by 3 specialists and they all agree that the only way she will get any better is to have a trachiostomy. A trach will be inserted in her throat to allow her to breathe. It will go through her vocal chords so she will not be able to talk. She'll have it probably until she's 5 yrs old."
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